I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
