To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
