What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
3pm strippers are depressing
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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