If that was your dad, he is hot
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You were trust falling into bushes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
