Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
