Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
