He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
