im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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