she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
