i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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