If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
