It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
