my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
