Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
