I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
