yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
NoShamevember. You game?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
