Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
