Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
