): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
