I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize