I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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