Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
