His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
