I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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