Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
