I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
