just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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