if you like me you must not know who I am
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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