he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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