At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
