My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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