Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
