no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
