Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
