i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
