three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
don't judge my taste in strippers
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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