Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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