Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
