the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
