Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
