there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
