The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
