she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
