i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
