What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
