new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
