I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
