if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
