i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
