but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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