Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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