Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
