my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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