she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
