I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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