Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
No subtext here. People are naked.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
