i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize