so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
