my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
