they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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