ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
