Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My liver just had a heart attack.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
