I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
