Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
