dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
