After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
