Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
