if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
