Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
