garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
only if we run a train.
done.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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