To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
