I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Everyone says I win the strip club
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
