we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
