i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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