she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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